"Statistical fact: cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he …"

"[While group is in the cellar] Alright, I'm drawin' a line in the fuckin' sand. Do not read the Latin!"

"[after discovering a hidden camera] Oh my God. I'm on a reality TV show. My parents are gonna think I'm such a burn-out."

"[After Dana discovers Judah's dismembered body] Yeah, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been u…"

"Puppeteers..."

"[to Dana and Marty] This is all most unpleasant. I know you can hear me. I hope you'll listen. You won't get out of t…"

"You think you know the story."

"If you hear a strange sound outside... have sex."

"If an old man warns you not to go there... make fun of him."

"An army of nightmares, huh? Let's get this party started. [hits purge button releasing all the monsters]"