"What, you think Becca's going to be psyched that you brought a bottle of lube? "Oh, Evan! Thank you so much for bring…"

"Are you insane?! Look at Jules's dating record. She dated Dan Remmeck, who's had a six-pack since like kindergarten; …"

"Do you have any normal-sized clothes or do you only shop at the Baby Gap?"

"I am going to give you the best blow J ever. With my mouth."

"[Breaking up a party] I assume you all have guns and crack... Okay, everyone! Prepare to be fucked by the long dick o…"

"We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock."

"[pointing gun at Evan and Seth] Spread your shit! Get on the ground! Loaded gun! Ready to go! Spread your shit! Pussi…"

"Jonah Hill - Seth"

"Michael Cera - Evan"

"Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Fogell (a.k.a. "McLovin")"