"So I was in Boston, I just ended up there. Seemed far enough away. They come to me then, it just happened, you know how that is, things happen and other things happen and it's your life. They were looking to get somebody to go undercover here, they wanted to get somebody who knew the Kitchen who was known. And I coulda said no but I thought I could do it. It was like this opportunity in which I could look the entire thing in the eye. And you'd be gone, or married, forgot about me I thought. And Jack, I would leave him out of it. But it was only an idea. Nothing to do with the truth. It was just a fuckin' idea like... You believe in the angels or the saints or there's such a thing as a state of grace. And you believe it, but it's got nothing to do with reality. It just an idea. I mean you got your ideas and you got reality, and they're all... they're all fucked up."