"[while exorcising Megan] Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Vir…"

"[grunting on the toilet] Oh, God. Please, Lord, help me to release this demon! (groans and farts forcefully and is re…"

"(as Megan's head spins around, Father McFeely turns to leave) Fuck this!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight. I say when we pull the plug. We're about to make the scientific discovery of the cent…"

"Check it out. You ever seen a bird dick this big? Too much for ya, eh, honey? Well, step off, sweet cheeks! Come back…"

"(to Cindy) Oh, God, will you shut the fuck up! Why couldn't you have just left me there to die?! Give me a fuckin' ro…"

"God damn it, what the fuck did you put in this birdseed?! (screams as bird poop sprays the wall) God, that was a big …"

"Well, are you boys just gonna sit there with your mouths open, or is someone gonna offer me a seat?"

"More merciless. More shameless."

"[deleted scene] God is good. God is great. But not all the time, sometimes He could be a real asshole. Praying for tw…"