"Once I was with two men in one night. But I could never do it again—I could hardly walk afterward. Two dinners?…"

"I got jury duty … and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the…"

"I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse."

"I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling…"

"Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few …"

"I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the re…"

"I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that…"

"This song brings me back … I was brutally raped to this song."

"People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt."

"You look like my friend Debbie. That's really weird … do you get that a lot? — It's sad, though, 'cause you know, we'…"