"Jesus' Wife: "And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?" Jesus Christ: "It's okay, I'll tell you...Not that's important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I'M IN A FUCKIN' GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I'M FIGHTIN' DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE! I'M CHANGIN' SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO "WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!""
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Comedians from the United StatesStand-up comedians from the United StatesActors from Washington (state)
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
the argument Jesus Christ has with his wife following his return home after the Resurrection, Louder than Hell.
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Sam_Kinison
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
Sam Kinison
Samuel Burl "Sam" Kinison (December 8, 1953 β April 10, 1992) was an American stand-up comedian and actor. Kinison was known for his intense, harsh and politically incorrect humor. A former Pentecostal preacher, he performed stand-up routines that were most often characterized by an intense style, similar to enthusiastic preachers, punctuated by his trademark scream.
30 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by Sam Kinison β
Related Quotes
"I would like to sing a song for my buddy Rodney, whose girl Laverne broke his heart and let him down; but what Rodneyβ¦"
"Here's my man! It doesn't have to stay out and party with his guys!" "Here, let me see that...It doesn't seem to be aβ¦"
"I just got shot in the ass with an infected load of semen! Who's the smart-ass?"
""They beat us, they beat us, they made us do their BLOW!"
"Oh, God, will you SHUT UP! GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! YOU'RE HIS WHORE! OH! OHHHH!"
"Oh, god, where's the fuckin' bottle, you fuckin' whore?! DID HE FUCK YOU WITH THIS TOO?! Yes-- OH, SHUT UP!!! HE DID β¦"
"Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Well, noβ¦"
"I hate the fuckin' gall of these countries, that come to us, a week after the war, and go, "Hey. Can you help us out?β¦"
"Sam: We want to bring him out. Here he is, Mr. Doug Bady, ladies and gentlemen. Doug Bady, the littlest fucking Outlaβ¦"
"[On the Gulf War] The ground war lasted 100 hours. A hundred fuckin' hours. I've had parties go on longer than that, β¦"