"I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, "Bye, everybody, I gotta go." Six bouncers hurled my ass out of a nightclub like I was a Frisbee. Those big ol' New York bouncers who thinks bouncing's a cool job. They just talk about bouncing. They get together with other bouncers and talk about bouncing. They go home and watch Roadhouse and beat off. [mentally deficient voice] "Patrick Swayze's hittin' another guy! [laughs stupidly]" for wearing a hat. I walk in a bar with a hat on; this guy, real pissy, goes "Take off the hat!" [proceeds to mock-flex, looking much like a gorilla] I'm like, "What's the deal?" "I'll tell you what the deal is- faggots in this area wear hats and we're trying to keep 'em out of our club." I was like, "Oh really? The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have a haircut like...yours." And he got all pissed. Anyway, I took off the hat, and he walked away. About an hour later, I was drinking and I forgot. You ever forget? It happened to me. I put the hat back on, now, I'm between 6'1" and 6'6", depending on which convenience store I'm leaving, and I weigh about 235 lbs, and this guy is pokin' me on the shoulder with two fingers. He said, "That's it, you're outta here!" I said, "I don't think so, Scooter." And I was wrong. They hurled me out of that night club, and then they decided to square off with me in the parking lot. But I backed down 'cause I didn't know how many of them it was going to take to whip my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use. That's a handy piece of information to have, right there; overkill."
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Comedians from the United StatesSatirists from the United StatesStand-up comedians from the United StatesSinger-songwriters from the United StatesActors from Texas
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
Imported from EN Wikiquote
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ron_White
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
Ron White
77 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by Ron White →
Related Quotes
"You ever take a crap so big, your pants fit better? Anybody ever do that? You ever...I'm hoping that happens to me la…"
"Yesterday, I was sitting on a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos and...[audience cheers], I was flippin' through the…"
"She and I got into another argument about the temperature of the dwelling and she took a butcher knife and slashed th…"
"I was flying from Flagstaff, Arizona to Phoenix, Arizona because my manager doesn't own a globe. We flew on a plane t…"
"The DeBeers people are almost saying what they really mean. You remember the old DeBeers slogan, "Diamonds are foreve…"
"[on vegetarianism] I didn't climb to the top of the fuckin' food chain to eat carrots."
"I get that Speedo on, it looks like a rubber band stretched over a head of cauliflower."
"Have you ever seen a healthy-looking vegetarian? They look like shit! They're all gaunt and yellow. After a while, th…"
"I've been through two hurricanes; I was in Hurricane Carla as a kid in Houston, and I was really excited during hurri…"
"I'd like to start off this show by asking you all a question, cause I don't know the answer. Uh, I lost my sunglasses…"