"I bought this big two-story custom van back when I was married. I forgot to tell you this, it was getting kinda cool, it had the James Bond couch in the back, when you push a button, the couch automatically turns into a bed, and I was like, "Well, that's cool." I finally got something over those Mercedes-Benz-driving in-laws of mine, you know what I mean? When I first bought the van, I was real proud of it. I took it straight over to my brother-in-law's house to show it off, 'cause he's such a prick. He takes one look at my new van and he goes [in snobbish accent] "I can't believe you didn't buy a Mercedes-Benz." They don't make a van. "Ron, I don't think you fully understand the intricacies of Mercedes-Benz engineering. Why, I got the three-inch windshield wiper that keeps my headlight clean in a rainstorm." I got a place to fuck your sister. I don't know why they didn't like me."
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Comedians from the United StatesSatirists from the United StatesStand-up comedians from the United StatesSinger-songwriters from the United StatesActors from Texas
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
Imported from EN Wikiquote
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ron_White
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
Ron White
77 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by Ron White →
Related Quotes
"You ever take a crap so big, your pants fit better? Anybody ever do that? You ever...I'm hoping that happens to me la…"
"Yesterday, I was sitting on a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos and...[audience cheers], I was flippin' through the…"
"She and I got into another argument about the temperature of the dwelling and she took a butcher knife and slashed th…"
"I was flying from Flagstaff, Arizona to Phoenix, Arizona because my manager doesn't own a globe. We flew on a plane t…"
"The DeBeers people are almost saying what they really mean. You remember the old DeBeers slogan, "Diamonds are foreve…"
"[on vegetarianism] I didn't climb to the top of the fuckin' food chain to eat carrots."
"I get that Speedo on, it looks like a rubber band stretched over a head of cauliflower."
"Have you ever seen a healthy-looking vegetarian? They look like shit! They're all gaunt and yellow. After a while, th…"
"I've been through two hurricanes; I was in Hurricane Carla as a kid in Houston, and I was really excited during hurri…"
"I'd like to start off this show by asking you all a question, cause I don't know the answer. Uh, I lost my sunglasses…"