"[When asked if he has a favorite woodland creature]"

"[When asked if he varies the animals in his comedy depending on where he performs]"

"I think I should be in a [Disney animated] film called ‘Space Shrews’. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. An…"

"I don’t think I’d have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago [...] I’d have been a lord. Shooting people that we…"

"[When suggested he could have invented crisps] I couldn’t have invented crisps. [...] I don't really want to be known…"

"[When asked if he could think of a cure for a dog who eats soil]"

"I had a garter snake named Clayton."

"You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once."

"In Edinburgh? I quite like the City Cafe. Because you never get served in there. And I like the idea that you can go …"

"I used to suck [Smarties] until they were all white, let them dry, and then put them back in the packet and show my m…"