"I can't tell you what hotel I'm stayin' in, but there are 2 trees involved. They said "Let's call this hotel 'Somethi…"

"Check this joke out: If you wanna talk to me after the show I'll be... Fuckin'... Surprised. I'm gonna have to have s…"

"(talking about his drink) Look at all the limes in this goddamn thing! This fuckin' thing is tropical! Look at the li…"

"Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to subme…"

"I walked into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. And, whe…"

"See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my old CD into a store is if I were to take one in and leave it. …"

"I'd like to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real fuckin' big!"

"I think they could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now, sayin…"

"I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fishsticks in shit! That's, that's actually kind of gross, you know? Aft…"

"When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was."