"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under 'D', for doughnut.""
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
Imported from EN Wikiquote
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.
160 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by Mitch Hedberg →
Related Quotes
"I can't tell you what hotel I'm stayin' in, but there are 2 trees involved. They said "Let's call this hotel 'Somethi…"
"Check this joke out: If you wanna talk to me after the show I'll be... Fuckin'... Surprised. I'm gonna have to have s…"
"(talking about his drink) Look at all the limes in this goddamn thing! This fuckin' thing is tropical! Look at the li…"
"Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to subme…"
"I walked into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. And, whe…"
"See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my old CD into a store is if I were to take one in and leave it. …"
"I'd like to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real fuckin' big!"
"I think they could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now, sayin…"
"I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fishsticks in shit! That's, that's actually kind of gross, you know? Aft…"
"When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was."