"Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act."

"I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician."

"Money can't buy poverty."

"Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can't define, and it's that X ing…"

"I was about five and a half or six when I converted [to vegetarianism] … I was brought up the first five years of my …"

"Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians."

"I carry Keaton's photo around with me to remind me what happened to him. If the Hollywood system can destroy him it c…"

"When I quoted Bulwer Lytton's "The pen is mightier than the sword" to Marty Feldman he added reflectively, "Yes, and …"

"I never really had any aspirations to be an actor when I was young. I wanted to play the piano in a bar, to be the ol…"

"If I do decide one day to stop acting, I just hate the idea of people going: 'Oh, did you ever do anything else besid…"