"They put a hood upon his head And bound it with a thong. Then—England lost a ball of lead And Ireland lost a song."

"Motherhood is never honored by excessive talk about the heroics of pregnancy."

"The other day it was reported in the newspaper that a Maine hen had won a prize for having hatched nearly 200 pullets…"

"As good a pun as was ever spoken, to my memory, was made by a young English Jesuit now teaching at Wimbledon College.…"

"Though art be on vacation, The studio remains; The well of inspiration Is backing out of drains. Come, let us daub, m…"

"It is hard to believe that he chops nearly as much wood as he pretends to, or that cows, hens, and barnyards are his …"

"Do you know a good way to convince ladies who adore he-men that you are a he-man and not a sissy? Raise a challenging…"

"The only thing worse than him on the radio is all static."

"It would have been tragic if Leonard Feeney, the great apostle of salvation within the church, had died an excommunic…"

"Enjoying an extraordinary knowledge of languages (ancient and modern), literature, and art, by his cultured personali…"