"I'm not anti-Christ or anti-religion, l just think it's encouraging that people are leaving the Church and going back…"

"Oh, I would say, uh, let's see, he was busted at least nine or ten times. Twice for possession of narcotics, and thre…"

"You do things on dope that normally wouldn't come into your mind to do."

"Are there any niggers here tonight? Can you turn on the house lights, please, and could the waiters and waitresses ju…"

"That's where the conflict starts! We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and $500-a-night hooker."

"I am totally corrupt. I mean, really! My whole act. My whole economic success, whatever that is, is based solely on t…"

"Please! Don't take away my words! They're just words! I'm not hurting anybody!"

"And it just cracks me up that we try so desperately to be unique when we're all the same cat - Eisenhower, Kennedy, J…"

"There's no bigger test of how hip you really are than when your girlfriend becomes your wife."

"What's the worst thing you can say to anybody? Fuck you, mister! That's really weird, because if l wanted to hurt you…"