"If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels. If you haven't, you cannot p…"

"This should be an excellent opportunity to walk out of the theatre, living room, or airplane where this film is being…"

"Oh, sorry. My ribbon had just jammed. Lemme just adjust it here. [fixes the ribbon] There we are. Now, where was I? O…"

"And so, the Baudelaire children went to Peru and together had wonderful adventures with their loving and new guardian…"

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and thin…"

"I am thrilled to say that Count Olaf was captured for crimes too numerous to mention. And before serving his life sen…"

"[last lines] Passing the torch is a right of passage that can take many forms. But prehaps the least known and most s…"

"[first words] Entrood!"

"Hello, hello, hello. I am your beloved Count Olaf."

"[first lines] I'm sorry to say that, but this is not the movie you'll be watching. The movie you are about to see is …"