"God is a great concept, [but it] doesn't work"

"Ten years in and we bone like we're cheating on each other WITH each other. A decade-plus and her clit/brown/taint-ar…"

"Sir, I just think that's it's fucking brilliant that you somehow managed to tie Chuck Norris, Chewbacca the Wookie, a…"

"Guy from audience: Your wife is your beard! Kevin: My wife is my beard isn't she?... Oh, sir, who was it? It was you?…"

"What happened to Riggs?"

"What's your name, new best friend?"

""[as Tim Burton] Anyone who knows me will tell you that I would never read a comic book." Which, to me, explains fuck…"

"A science fiction movie? I don't know. I think I have made one already... Chasing Amy. Because you go ask any lesbian…"

"They are creepy, too, man. Those puppets don't make me feel good. I'll be honest, nothing about this show makes me fe…"

"There would always be a bunch of fucking grousers and nay-sayers being like "that was uncalled for.""