"The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord."

"Cunning iz very apt tew outwit itself. The man who turned the boat over and got under it tew keep out ov the rain, wa…"

"Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coqu…"

"When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy."

"Yung man, don't grind yure scythe all on one side!"

"Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make."

"Pedantry iz the science ov investing what little yu know in one kind ov perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that u…"

"This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az…"

"Thare are people who dont do ennything but watch their simptoms. I have seen dogs ackt just az sensible, i hav seen a…"

"I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived a man without a single virtew. Even Judas Iskariot "went and hanged himself.""