"I am not homophobic; I am cock-conscious."

"Here's the craziest thing about life. This is the thing that nobody really considers: You know as much about what lif…"

"Some people don't believe in aliens. I do believe in aliens. But I believe they gave up on people a long time ago. Wo…"

"We have comic book bad guys. Osama Bin Laden is right out of a fucking comic book. Think about it: He's a billionaire…"

"When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men."

"I was at home the other day, high as giraffe pussy, watching the History Channel and they had this documentary on "In…"

"[About Fear Factor] Every now and then I'll be right in the middle of it and just go "What the fuck am I doing? There…"

"[It's] 2006 and pot is still controversial. That's hilarious. Pot's still illegal and no one has a jet pack. What the…"

"I was raised Catholic. That's why I don't take religion too seriously."

"Just because I'm staring deep into your birth canal does not mean that I'm fucked up. It means you should have paid m…"