"All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to fo…"

"My writing process is editing. It's taking all the funny thoughts you've had over the last 12 months, and editing out…"

"I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes tha…"

"As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success i…"

"I literally can't believe my luck. Torturing Americans should not only be easy, but a pleasure!"

"I'm a stand-up. And no one on the circuit's terribly impressed if you're on TV. I suppose I've stolen my ethos from J…"

"TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when y…"

"I did quite a lot of TV shows over the latter half of 2004 - all those 100 Greatest and 100 Worst and all that kind o…"

"The great thing about being a comedian is that it kind of doesn't matter how you look. It's actually a disadvantage t…"

"I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the g…"