"Shut up, be happy. Obey all orders without question. The happiness you have demanded is now mandatory."

"Some day, even the experts will figure out, that crime is not caused by rap music...or even my music, but by a power …"

"Jimi Hendrix once said, 'You will never hear surf music again.' Well, tonight, you will hear 'serf' music again -- S-…"

""Buy my soda!" said the Moose Diarrhea Salesman. And we did. We all did. But when we got it home and opened up the pa…"

"We on the left keep dividing ourselves into little splinter groups. "Anyone who isn't a vegetarian is automatically e…"

"And we will NOT let Campbell's Soup, Old Navy, or anybody ELSE, HAMMER into the minds of girls as YOUNG as SIX YEARS …"

"Come, on, EMPTY-V!! [As] far as I'm concerned, Beavis and Butt-head and Dora (sic) are the only two good things you e…"

"We don't need a flat tax, but a flattening tax, to truly level the playing field."

"Our biggest national security threat is the environmental destruction of our planet and the arms race with ourselves."

"I am Emperor Ronald Reagan Born again with fascist cravings Still, you made me president Human rights will soon go 'w…"