"Since 1960 or thereabouts, when the Beatles and feminism came to power and destroyed the civilisation I was rather fo…"

"In 1950 when I was boxing I wanted to put on 3lb so my trainer made me put a teaspoon of powdered gelatine into the c…"

"[On the Feminist Dale Spender] It staggers me. In fact I have not been so staggered since I last wore 8oz gloves."

"As for asking me have I ever felt remorse after drinking, I have been living with remorse for years now. She wakes me…"

"I could stuff a pillow with the amount of confetti I have had thrown at me. And could I sleep easily on that? No."

"I once had to dispense with a literary agent because she drank too much. She was very surprised but I pointed out to …"

"I'd very much like to wake up one morning with a cow of the Friesian variety and walk her down to Soho to the Coach a…"

"When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every…"

"I never really had any aspirations to be an actor when I was young. I wanted to play the piano in a bar, to be the ol…"

"If I do decide one day to stop acting, I just hate the idea of people going: 'Oh, did you ever do anything else besid…"