"[Humor]: In its essence, merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."

"He was a horse of goodly countenance, rather expressive of vigilance than fire; though an unnatural appearance of fie…"

"In the younger days of the Republic there lived in the county of —— two men, who were admitted on all hands to be the…"

"It is said that a hundred gamecocks will live in perfect harmony together it you do not put a hen with them; and so i…"

"All the knowing ones were consulted as to the issue, and they all agreed, to a man, in one of two opinions: either th…"

"Language cannot describe the scene that followed; the shouts, oaths, frantic gestures, taunts, replies, and little fi…"

"Ideally, if anything were any good, it would be indescribable."

"I think style chooses you... if I could choose, I would write like Jane Austen and I would draw like Rembrandt."

"If you're doing nonsense it has to be rather awful, because there'd be no point. I'm trying to think if there's sunny…"

"Of course I believe in graphology, also palmistry, the I Ching, the tarot, astrology, and all those other delicious t…"