"We're like a bad tea-bag - we never stay in the Cup that long - reacting to his QPR side's defeat in the League Cup (…"

"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, s…"

"Apparently it's my fault that the Titanic sank."

"I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark."

"If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just…"

"Why haven't they got cameras? The officials can speak to each other easily enough now. Why aren't we using laptops th…"

"In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can't go on like tha…"

"I'd rather do that than build chicken sheds no-one wanted!"

"Reporter: Ian, have you got any injury worries? Holloway: No, I'm fully fit, thank you."

"The kid makes you sick. He looks the part, he walks the part, he is the part. He's six-foot something, fit as a flea,…"