"A charming fellow, and so clever: he models himself on me."

"Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind."

"A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one."

"My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?"

"Every man is a potential genius until he does something."

"People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty."

"Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want."

"It is difficult to live up to one's posters…When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time i…"

"It depends on each and every one of me."

"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you."