"Now, I must inform you, I have a severely deviated septum. When I sleep I make a very disturbing sound...Don't be ala…"

"Hey, don't pee in the water! [Pushes another kid in the water] Hey, don't drink the water, he peed in it!"

"Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp."

"[in the Camp Hell video] As a healthcare professional, I would like to take this opportunity to warn you that Tony Pe…"

"WATCH OUT FOR *SALAMI SAM*!"

"[voice-over while writing letter to grandma, he glances at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out...wh…"

"We're as good as anybody, it's time we started acting like it. First we've got to take control of ourselves before we…"

"[to Camp MVP member after beating him in naming five American Vice Presidents] You Americans have NO sense of history."

"Attention campers, the topic for tonight's discussion is, "Liposuction: Option or Obsession.""

"I'm feeling skinny, Tony!"