"Dana Gould - Jeff"

"Chad Lindsey - Dr. Perfect"

"[placidly dusts framed photos, suddenly drops one] FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!"

"When that doctor walked in my fear melted like ... snow in a ... melter."

"[after her third dog dies] Oh, COME ON!"

"[puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on] Hello, gorgeous!"

"So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker!"

"You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pa…"

"[in her movie Asteroid] Accordin' to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes!"

"I AM woman! ERA now!"