"What we have here is a failure to accumulate."

"You know. I don't tell many people this, but Christmas is just about my favorite time. Ever since I was a little kid,…"

"Ahh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your "Channel" Number 5, just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine…"

"No, there's only one person authorized to operate this sack. His big, red, oneness: The Claus."

"Ernest, I'm not much of a morning person. Do you think we could just keep it down to a dull roar?"

"A holiday comedy unlike any other!"

"He's back! And this time..."

"Jim Varney - Ernest P. Worrell, Astor Clementh, Auntie Nelda, The Snake Guy"

"Douglas Seale - Santa Claus (a.k.a. Seth Applegate)"

"I am the one with the Yuletide, know what I mean?"