"Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say if He Came Back Today. 10. I’ve been dead 38 years, and I still look better than Keith Richards 9. What do you know? The Jets still suck 8. I’m hungry — is there are any food stuck in my sideburns ? 7. I can’t believe I missed the McRib Sandwich!6. Who’s this ‘Richard Simmons,’ and why’s he keep trying to hug me?5. I’ve been dead 38 years, – of course I want fries with that! 4. Heaven was great until that freaky bastard Tiny Tim showed up 3. That Letterman punk’s on the TV — where’s my revolver? 2. I haven’t been dead — I’ve been starring in a series on CBS 1. Lisa Marie married who? Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say if He Came Back Today Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say if He Came Back Today II 10. Maybe I should get me one of them Wonderbras 9. Sonny, Red, help me brush the dirt out of my sideburns 8. This new President and I disagree on a lot of things, but french fries ain’t one of them 7. Is there something I just don’t get about Pauly Shore? 6. What happened to Ed Sullivan, and who’s that dork using his theater? 5. Can I get that Miata in pink? 4. What’s my old smokin’ buddy Suzie Molinari doin’ these days? 3. All you people who thought I was alive this whole time — you morons! 2. I’d heard Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson, but this guy in the wedding photos is white 1. Bob Dole? Didn’t I meet him back when I was dead?"