"A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have p…"

"There's somethin' about singing, that is the business! You sing, women go crazy! 'Cause Mick Jagger is an ugly idiot.…"

"You don't even have to be able to talk. Just sing and get famous. 'Cause James Brown's been singin' 30 years. I don't…"

"(About Stevie Wonder) I got mad, I was hanging out with Stevie two months ago. I said, 'Look, Steve, I get too much f…"

"(Impersonating an angry fan) 'I heard that, man! That wasn't funny! Then I suppose at the end of your little sketch, …"

"(Impersonating his father, drunk at the family cookout) Gus?! What is wrong with your wife?! Why can't she walk a fli…"

"(Impersonating his father ranting drunkenly at the cookout) I'll tell you somethin'! You can take your hairy, fat mou…"

"I have nothing against weirdos. I think an orgasm is your thing, and you should forget whoever you feel like forgetti…"

"The Western is our genre in the United States of America. The English have Shakespeare, the French have Molière, the …"

"Sometimes what comes around the corner is better for you than what you're planning to do anyway."