"Old people are getting into fights now in town hall meetings about health care. You don't fucking deserve it! Everyone else has health care, "But we need health care. Canada has health care, everyone else does..." You think Americans deserve health care? Have you looked at this fucking horrible fat fuck country? Slovenly, sedentary lazy fat fucks! You don't even try! Once you get free health care, "Oh yeah, fucking Sunday afternoon, buy four stuffed crust Cheesy Bread Cheese pizzas, and you'll get a Meaty Meaty Pork Pie Pork Bacon pizza for free with 12 Cinna-loaves!' [imitates glutton sounds, stuffing his face] "That's a pretty good deal!" [more gluttony sounds] "You know, what else we need is free health care, too!" [more gluttony sounds] "My diabetes is so bad, I can't even feel my feet!" [more gluttony sounds] "I have open fissures in my leg muscles so deep you can put your whole finger there!" [more gluttony sounds] "Who's gonna pay for my amputation?!" [more glutton sounds] "If I was in Amsterdam, they'd pay for my amputations 'cause they have free health care..." You know what else they have? BICYCLES! And they use them! [briefly sings "Entry of the Gladiators" / "Barnum and Bailey's Favorite" theme] You get nothing free. You gotta try on your own a little bit! We live in a country where the face of fitness is Jared from Subway! That's your goal! It used to be like Jack LaLanne or Charles Atlas or some shit, dragging a tugboat with his teeth across the Hudson river. Now it's some guy that's still kinda fat. He's not as-fat-as-he-could-be fat, or he-used-to-be fat, but he's still kinda fat. That's what you should aspire to! You wouldn't fuck Jared with the lights on, c'mon! That's your goal? That's awful! You can't give Americans free shit 'cause "free" is used as such a buzzword for gluttony. Like it's been used in advertising so much. "Buy one, get one free," "free with purchase," "free samples" at the grocery store... "Oh, Black Forest Ham! I never tried Black Forest Ham!" [more gluttony sounds] Turn your hat backwards so they don't recognize you when you go back! "Vermont cheese, what's that?" [more gluttony sounds] They do the same shit with free health care! "They said it's free, let's get something fucking checked. I got an itch, or a scratch, or a bite or a lump. Let's get this checked out! Doctor, I got a spot! Check it out for free!" "It's a fucking coffee stain! It's not even on your skin, it's on your shirt!" "Well, let's get a biopsy of that! That could be precancerous, right? It's free — get my money's worth...""