"The geezer car should be as large as possible. If a fighter jet can't land on it, you don't want to drive it. If necessary, you should get two cars and have them welded together. You should grip the steering wheel tightly enough that you cannot be detached from it without a surgical procedure, and you should sit way down in the seat so you're looking directly ahead at the speedometer. You should select a speed in advance- 23 miles per hour is very popular- and drive this speed at all times, regardless of whether you're in your driveway or on the interstate. Always come to a full stop when you notice a Potentially Hazardous Road Condition such as an intersection or a store or a sidewalk or a tree. If you're planning to make a turn at any point during the trip, you should plan ahead by putting your blinker on as soon as you start the car. Never park the car without making a minimum of seventeen turns."
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 40 (1990). New York: Crown Publishers, p. 177-178
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Car
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
Car
38 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by Car →
Related Quotes
"Automobiles are like people: the cheap ones are noisy."
"Ford then embarked on a brief but successful career as a racing driver. Victory in a race at Grosse Point brought him…"
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated. Admittedly, t…"
"Everyone with no car, wants to buy it. And anyone who has a car, wants to sell it. And he doesn't do it just because …"
"You know, when I was sixteen I was only thinking about two things: cars and girls ... I wasn't very good with girls s…"
"In Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if yo…"
"The best British cars are Italian."
"Then there's power. There was a time when people cooed over Ferraris that developed 200 horsepower, whereas today 2.0…"
"Fast, truly exciting cars are being killed off so that pretty soon the officers will all be gone, leaving us with a f…"
"I think cars today are almost the exact equivalent of the great Gothic cathedrals. I mean the supreme creation of an …"