"I get vaccinated five to six times a day and I feel great!!"

"Full House gave me Tourette's. We would be on the set, and, action! "Okay, Michelle, you can't have a horse in the ho…"

"People ask me what my favorite episode of Full House is; it was the last one!"

"This woman woke up to see me and John Stamos banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitco…"

"If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a f*cked-up guy!"

"Kids, do not f*ck that sh*t; you'll get an infection."

"That would be a good public service announcement for Nickelodeon: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't f*ck that sh*t. Stay …"

"I've banged half the girls in this room, and that is f**kin' not true. I haven't banged anyone here. I've put my pink…"

"As a kid I often heard from my mom, as well as from the teachers in every school I attended, that I needed to behave …"

"In my career I've had the fortune of being able to work continually in radically diverse creative worlds. By day I've…"