"The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs."

"Once in pre-war days, when curiously-bonneted women drivers were familiar sights at the taxi-wheels, I cried out to o…"

"Well, if I were thus rationed in this article and could have but one adjective for George Gershwin, that adjective wo…"

"All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening."

"At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's."

"I've never had the impertinence to be sorry for Helen Keller. I'd as soon be sorry for Niagara Falls. But now as I br…"

"I have no need of your God-damned sympathy. I only wish to be entertained by some of your grosser reminiscences."

"[You look like] a dishonest Abe Lincoln."

"Alexander Woollcott: What could be rarer than a Woollcott First Edition? Franklin Pierce Adams: A Woollcott second ed…"

"Dorothy Parker and I were standing on the sidewalk during the intermission of a Shubert opening night when the Alexan…"