"Murray, you've got a rotten reputation. Even these guys weren't easy to grab. Why do you have to build your own perso…"

"Irving R. Feldman's birthday is my own personal national holiday. I did not open it up for the public. He is propriet…"

"You might call Nick a bastard... or a little bastard, depending on how whimsical you feel at the time."

"If things aren't funny then they're exactly what they are; and then they're like a long dental appointment."

"Aw, Sandy, that's the most you should expect from life, a really good apology for all the things you won't get."

"My simple child reaction of what you did is that you are not funny. Funnier than you is even Stuart Schlossman, who i…"

"Jason Robards — Murray Burns"

"Barbara Harris — Dr. Sandra Markowitz"

"Martin Balsam — Arnold Burns"

"William Daniels — Albert Amundson"