"[Having dinner with Godwin] I was wondering if perhaps you were raising her to be your mistress. A dark thought unworthy of me, I know. So, you are not laying with her?"

"[Having dinner with Max] Spermatic ejaculation can only induce homeostasis in me if accompanied by prolonged stimulation of higher nerve centers whose pressure on the ductless glands changes the chemistry of my blood not for a few spasmodic minutes, but for many days. [Max responds mono-syllabically non-plussed] I am a eunuch and cannot fuck her! To get a sexual response from my body would take the same amount of electricity as runs North London. Besides, my paternal feelings seem to outweigh my sexual thoughts."

"She's an experiment. Her brain and her body are not quite synchronized. But she is progressing at an accelerated pace."

"My father once told me, "Always carve with compassion." He was a fucking idiot, but it's not bad advice."

"You, like me, are a creature of freedom in the moment."

"Well at the risk of being immodest, you have just been thrice fucked by the very best. It's probable no other man will ever bring you to the raptures I will. I feel bad for you."

"[Mockingly to Max in a mental institution] "We're all masters of our own ships." You cunty cuntface dipshit!"

"I am Bella Baxter. I am a flawed, experimenting person. I seek outings and adventures. Bella's so much to discover. And there is a world to enjoy, circumnavigate. It is the goal of all to improve, advance, progress, grow."

"[after she kisses Max McCandless] We will need less of your tongue in the future. But overall, most agreeable."

"Money is its own form of sickness."

"I am finding being alive fascinating."

"I’m a changeable feast, as are all of we."

"This is Martha. She is my new friend who has not been fucked in twenty years! Is that not astonishment? I hope you use your hand between your legs to keep yourself happy?"

"[to Duncan, about sex] Why do people not just do this all the time?"

"I have adventured it and found nothing but sugar and violence. It is most charming."

"His advantage: my injury. My advantage: his rage."

"[in need of a distraction to get the crowd out of the auction house.] One million pounds! [Everyone gasps and looks at him, mortified; the tapestry behind him promptly bursts into flames] Oh, and, uh, by the way, fire!"

"[ to Dr. Hoffmen-Stall ] Perhaps you have heard of me. My name is Sherlock H... [bomb explodes; coughing] H... Holmes!"

"[referring to his disguise, a great false beard] It's so overt it's covert."

"[as Watson is getting ready to shoot] Make it count!"

"[to Watson] Don't dance! You know what happens when you dance."

"[note to Watson] Come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same."

"If we can stop him, we shall prevent the collapse of Western civilization... No pressure."

"[dancing with Sim] Just follow my lead."

"[to Moriarty] Be careful what you fish for."

"Bishop to Bishop eight, discovered check and incidentally, mate."