What Happens in Vegas

"Get Lucky."

"It's a battle of the sexes and they're playing dirty."

"Ashton Kutcher - Jack Fuller, Jr."

"Cameron Diaz - Joy MacNally"

"Rob Corddry - Jeffrey "Hater" Lewis"

"Lake Bell - Toni "Tipper" Saxson"

"Dennis Farina - Richard "Dick" Banger"

"Dennis Miller - Judge Whopper"

"Krysten Ritter - Kelly"

"Jason Sudeikis - Mason"

"Michelle Krusiec - Chong"

"Queen Latifah - Dr. Twitchell"

"Zach Galifianakis - Dave"

"Treat Williams - Jack Fuller, Sr."

"Deirdre O'Connell - Mrs. Fuller"

"Like seriously, I like threw up in my own purse."

"Your friend wouldn't know a good time if it sat on his face"

"You I don't like and your friend, I want to cut him"

"Do you even know how to drive an automatic?"

"Now that you aren't married anymore...can I get her number...(pause)..ok maybe later"

"They should make a law about what a bad lawyer I am...then again I wouldn't know about it"

"She is a wily temptress...and what do wily temptress do? They tempt you, in a wily temptress way...and then play you."

"Lavender. Get on my head!"

"Uh...I, I don't have my glasses..."

"Look! Stripper, you are kind of a disgusting skank. (To tipper)"

"We got robbed...the only thing they took was the door.. (shrugs shoulders)"

"Did you just make a plan to make a plan?"

"Yeah that's a little bit of me...and some other people. (Response when Joy says his bed stinks)"

"Oh yeah this is happening (said while peeing in the kitchen sink) oh, and by the way, it's your day on dishes"

"(To Joy when she sees the bathroom) Don't throw all of that hair away. I'm saving it up to make you something special... like a hat... or a sweater."

"I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love."

"(To Joy before she leaves for work) Don't get hit by a bus. (Door closes) Or do. Whatever."

"(To Doctor Twitchell at councilling) Her candles smell awesome!"

"(Morning after the drunk wedding) What's mine is yours! Me coffee su coffee, haha..."

"What happened to "what's mine is yours baby.." we're married now...remember?"

"To anyone who has ever been dumped and to anyone who has ever been fired...when I say screw you say you..."

"I'm not usually this much fun!"

"I can totally do this! (Gasps after seeing the bathroom) I can't do this."

"And where's that, Jack? The starting line? Cause I got news for you buddy, the gun already went off!"

"You took yourself out of the game."

"They ring the door bell and when he answers they JUNK-punch him right up in his man-business, and while he lying there on the floor writhing in pain asking "Why?", they answer. "YOU know why.." (nods smiling at her plan)"