She-Devil

"Susan Willis - Ute"

"It's like you give men what they want and they don't want it anymore."

"It is true that the defendant has no criminal record and is a well-respected member of the community. But the fact remains that, the defendant stole large sums of money from his clients. In doing so, Mr. Patchett has not only broken a sacred trust, he has shaken the public's faith in accountants everywhere."

"Bob's mother: Is it that time of the month?"

"Mrs. Trumper: Nurse Hooper may be short, but she's very devoted."

"Ute: Fuzzy has just shit all over the carpet!"

"Garcia: I may be the butler, but I'm not the maid!"

"Mrs. Trumper: AHHHHGH! Hooper! Vesta! This is long-term leakage!"

"Ute: I took this job because I only had to cook and clean for one person and one dog. Then I get the mother, the lover, his kids, their dog! Ms. Fisher, up with this bullshit I will not put! I quit!"

"Meryl Streep - Mary Fisher"

"Roseanne Barr - Ruth Patchett"

"Ed Begley Jr. - Bob Patchett"

"Linda Hunt - Nurse Hooper"

"Sylvia Miles - Mrs. Fisher"

"Elisebeth Peters - Nicolette Patchett"

"Bryan Larkin - Andy Patchett"

"A Martinez - Garcia"

"Maria Pitillo - Olivia Honey"

"Mary Louise Wilson - Mrs. Trumper"

"Some women are born beautiful. They make it look easy. But most women have to put a little time and effort into their appearance. And then there are those of us who need all the help we can get. Like me."

"Hey, can I have some salt and Perrier? I just spilled my wine on Mary Fisher, you know, the famous author!"

"[reading from one of Fisher's novels] "She entwined her limbs about him, as ivy might wrap itself around some massive pillar. When his love nectar was spent, they drifted into the bliss of sleep.""

"Mary Fisher, I hope your pink palace crumbles into the sea. I hope your delicate white skin breaks out in hives and your shiny blonde hair falls out at the root!"

"Mary Fisher's mother had been enjoying a long, untroubled sleep. It was time to wake her up."

"[On Nurse Hooper] She was hard-working, loyal, honest…and eager to invest her money where it would do the most good."

"[Referring to the Vesta Rose Agency] I would start an employment agency for the unloved and the unwanted. Women like Hooper whom the world had thrown away."

"[Referring to her clients] All these women needed was a little support and encouragement to turn their lives around. They would become my own personal army, ready for action when I needed them."

"Sad Mary Fisher. She's learning that men that burn so hot for a mistress cool off fast when the mistress starts acting like a wife."

"I've always found that justice serves those who serve themselves."

"Poor Bob. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost."

"[speaking to Ruth] I don't even think you're a woman! You know what you are? You're a she-devil!"

"Because that is the real world, Mary, so wake up and smell the cappuccino!"

"It's picture time! [sets Olivia on the Xerox machine]"

"Passion. Excitement. I think that it's important in a long-term relationship, and that's what I think women find from my novels. They find ways to make their man feel important and comfortable, to let him know that he is... the man. You know, so there's no confusion."

"All the little families. Mummies and daddies and dear little children tucked away for the night. [begins crying] How lucky they all are!"

"Someone get this deranged woman out of here!"

"[writing] He held her body as he had for a millennium with an ease neither of them had ever, ever known. He reached for her [pauses trying to think of an appropriate word] ...nub. [she backspaces "nub" and tries again] Love... button!"

"Men go crazy when I tell them my name. It's Olivia Honey. They think it's so cute. But it is, isn't it?"