Scott Kurtz

"Despite the fact that my weapons and armor are in desperate need of repair, I blow the entire reward on ale and whores."

"Can't hear you. I'm inside my protective blanket of fear."

"Men may control the free world, but women control the boobs."

"Yeah, humans are pretty cool, but if you hang out with them too long, they start treating you like a mascot."

"You're a corporate whore. Merry Christmas."

"I would, but I'm going to be busy all day converting beer into pee."

"Cole, would it be okay if I crapped myself right now?"

"My brain is hung like a horse!"

"It's like watching lemmings run off the cliff."