Scary Movie

"[laughs] Shit, son! Yo, whats' the deal? Yo, if y'all are watching this tape right now, that means I didn't make it. Either I'm a prisoner or worse, dead. But either way it goes, I'm gonna tell you the rules to survive this situation. Rule number 1: you gotta be quick. Rule number 2: DON'T fall down. And rule number 3: whatever you do, NEVER LOOK BACK! Y'all wish me luck... SNATCH AND RUN, Y'ALL!"

"Okay, chopzilla, listen up, [holds up her thumb] This little piggy went to the market. [holds up her middle finger] This little piggy stayed home... [points at cameraman] And if this little piggy doesn't roll the goddamn camera, I'm gonna shove my foot up his fucking ass - [camera clicks on]"

"[reporting live while a student is in the background fooling around] Hello, I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of the book "You're Dead, I'm Rich". A small college town is in shock after the unthinkable has happened. A brutal killing spree that left one teen dead... that's it! [pulls out a gun and shoots the student]... two teens dead and this small town shaken and stirred."

"A small dick's like a disability, man! How would you like to make fun of a guy in a wheelchair?! Huh? Would you?, Come on out you sick fuck. I'll kick the shit outta you, all right?! It's not the size of the hammer, it's the nail you're throwing it at!"

"[At a press conference] Let me just say that the killing of these teens has been tragic, but, uh... hey, you know, shit happens."

"A Killer Comedy."

"Merciless. Shameless. Unique."

"No Mercy. No Shame. No Sequel."

"Obey The Rules... Or Die Laughing."

"Funny As Hell."

"Anna Faris as Cindy Campbell"

"Regina Hall as Brenda Meeks"

"Shawn Wayans as Ray Wilkins"

"Marlon Wayans as Shorty Meeks"

"Jon Abrahams as Bobby Prinze"

"Shannon Elizabeth as Buffy Gilmore"

"Lochlyn Munro as Greg Phillipe"

"Dave Sheridan as Doofy Gilmore/Ghostface"

"Cheri Oteri as Gail Hailstorm"

"Kurt Fuller as The Sheriff"

"Carmen Electra as Drew Decker"