Men in Black II

"I never worked in a funeral home. Somethin’ I can do for you, Slick?"

"Get a mop, and escort all civilian personnel from this site immediately. [After coffee has been spilt at the post office.]"

"It's nice. Sleep late on the weekends. Watch the Weather Channel. I did miss this city."

"Jeff, excuse my partner. He's new and he's... [Jeff attacks T]...kinda stupid."

"[to Jeff] Sweet dreams, big boy!"

"Transit Authority, people! We need to move to the forward car, there's a bug in the electrical system. [passengers ignore him] Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!"

"[J has just saved a whole subway of passengers from being eaten alive by Jeff, the giant worm-like alien, who chewed off about 98% of the subway train before retreating] [Neuralizes subway passengers] The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You're ignorant. How a man gon' come bashin' thru a subway when — That's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh, we seen it all." [feigning fear] "Oh, no! A 600 ft. worm! Save us, Mr. Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice, move to the next car! Y'all just sit there like...[Neuralizes subway passengers again, regains his composure] Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our new, smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening. [walks off, neuralizing Capt. Bridgewater in the process]"

"[after Frank the Pug suggests the "good cop, bad cop thing"] How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?"

"Jeff, I am so not in the mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!"

"About to lay the smack-down on your candy ass! (In homage to The Rock)"

"Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, "Flush me J., Flush me." and I'd be like, "Naw.""

"[After the Worms accidentally shut down the MIB headquarters upon him and K taking it back] WORMS!!"

"[After neuralizing Newton and Hailey] Okay, first, get some contact lenses, ‘cause joints look like they can pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia... move your bum ass out of your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old."

"[After K calls for him to leave, to Newton and Hailey] Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black."

"[after seeing the Grand Central Station Locker Creatures’ ”large adult entertainment section”] That's just nasty."

"Man, tell it to the hand."

"So what's it like on the outside? Not doin’ this every day?"

"Silly little planet. I could rule the place with the right set of mammary glands."

"Prisoners of MIB. The scum of the universe. Well, now it's the scum's turn."

"So feisty."

"Here's the deal. I lose, you lose. I win, everything keeps spinning."

"Oh, yummy. Someone I need to eat."

"An hour ago, a man I've known my whole life vanished in front of my eyes because of a woman with things coming out of her fingers and a two-headed guy with the IQ of a cannoli. So yeah, everything's okay."

"When we're kids, before we're taught how to think, or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I'm supposed to believe."

"Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that "never happened" from one of their files that "doesn’t exist"."

"Frank the Pug: (upon seeing Ben's skin only) Hey, J, zero percent body fat! (Homage to Lara Flynn Boyle.)"

"Worms: Once you've had worm, that’s what you'll yearn!"

"Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light..."

"Jeebs: (head is growing back after J shot it off) Oh, great, right in the pie-hole! Now nuttin’s gonna taste right!"

"MIB Guard: [after J and K come to stop Serleena, he's reading a tabloid that says "Satan Escapes from Hell."] It's about time you guys got here. That pretty lady in there is causin’ all kinds-a-hell."

"On that second film, we sort of forgot a few things. The second film, I think, tried a little too hard for “comedy,” and also the first and third films have very strong villains. The second film, although Johnny Knoxville and Lara Flynn Boyle are funny, they’re not really quite strong enough to make your heroes be heroic. I think we learned our lessons and went back tonally to the first film."

"We Got a World to Save"

"Same Planet. New Scum."

"Coming to Rid Your Earth of the Scum of the Universe... Again!"

"This Summer, They're Back in Black."

"This Summer, They're Back in Business. They're Back in Action. They're Back in Black."

"Time to put on the last suit you'll ever wear...again..."

"Back in Black."

"Tommy Lee Jones - Agent K/Kevin Brown"

"Will Smith - Agent J/James Darrell Edwards III"

"Rip Torn - Zed"

"Lara Flynn Boyle - Serleena"

"Johnny Knoxville - Scrad/Charlie"

"Rosario Dawson - Laura"

"Tony Shalhoub - Jack Jeebs"

"Patrick Warburton - Agent T"

"Jack Kehler - Ben"

"David Cross - Newton"

"Colombe Jacobsen - Hailey"

"Michael Jackson - Agent M"