Kerry Jackson

"Goodnight everybody!"

"Goodnight mom."

"If Harry's wearing his cloak of invisibility, I guarantee he's not planting his wand."

"I'm getting screwed today. Right in the mouth."

"If you want to happy for the rest of your life, make a crack-whore your wife."

"'Fetus in Uterus' I get."

"We’ll eat your gum."

"Are you trying to tell me that there was a time before celebrities?"

"Why do you think I always have a rubber glove?"

"At what point do you shake it all about?"

"Famous people are delicious."

"Who is this man taking a crap in my bathroom!?"

"You love the bidet more than me."

"Where I come from they're just 'fun bags.'"

"It's revved for her pleasure."

"The baby is leaking!"

"Oh no! He's got him in the deadly Egyptian burger!"

"Even Beyonce's booty can't save that."

"Food should not be origami."

"I don't need to see Paxton's sack."

"Clam jacket."

"I'm a second-tier troll with powers to bewilder!"

"It smells funny, but it works."

"Don't spend another evening with the sex cantaloupe."

"This is discrimination against gay, nautically-themed cupcake mascots."

"I'm not mad at you I'm mad a the cheese-steak."

"You knew I was a pornographer when I climbed on your back. - as Larry Flynt"

"He's prejudiced against the toothless."

"When it came right down to it, the reindeer would eat you."

"The power of Christ compels you to parry."

"Oh! My proscenium is killing me!"

"I'm so goth I crap bats."

"Oh! I need Syphilis!"

"My proctologist has The Thumb of Doom too."

"You get first crack at the chicken balls if you get there early."

"The fate of the nation is in my hands and I've got a booger. - as George W. Bush"

"Never stick your hand out and let someone squirt something into it unless you know what it is."

"I have a fresh muff."

"Then your muff would be all wet."

"I gotta go make norbit."

"It's like you put a turd in her mouth."

"My 'down-there' is angry!"

"Sometimes the future isn't funny."

"I can see it, but I can't make it move."

"And now, the ABC After School Special, Raisins For Festus."

"Sergeant Scruffy is very upset!"

"I'm on the 'Don't Spill The Margarita' ride.""

"You put this finger in the middle and wiggle it."

"Is that an ear trumpet in your lava-lava?"

"If it's a pain in the ass, you're shaving the wrong place."