Jackass 3D

"[dressed as Santa Claus] Santa did have a few drinks last night, so this ain't going to feel too good."

"[seeing a bull stomping its feet] Oh, I hate it when they do that."

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!"

"[Steve-O just puked after biting an apple that was in Preston's buttocks] You don't like apple and peanut butter?"

"[after Wee-Man is hit in the groin by a random apple thrown at him by Jeff Tremaine] See, I told you it's not that hard to get into film!"

"[As Bam pees in front of a jet engine blowing in his face] That's the story of Jackass, right there. Just pissing in the wind!"

"[Dressed as a mild-mannered, senior-citizen, with professional face make-up, accompanied by an elderly lady, and a willing, attractive, younger looking adult female in support] Hello, I'm Irving Zistman, this is my wife, and grandaughter, and today, I'm a really bad grandpa!"

"[After he runs through an obstacle course full of tasers and cattle prods] I change my mind. Stun guns are now the number one most thing that I hate now. Bulls are second, snakes are third. That sucked!"

"Get in the Lambo, shitbird!"

"[After Chris Pontius complains about being stung in the face by a scorpion] What did you think was going to happen?"

"[WAfter getting his tooth pulled out by a Lamborghini] Oh, I wish I could say that didn't suck!"

"[after Johnny Knoxville wrecks the lattice with the jet-ski] Shit! Dude, I know we shouldn't have done this at my fucking dad's house. He's already mad I'm fucking skipping school, he's gonna cut me off! That's coming out of my allowance."

"This is the kind of extreme shit most extreme dudes don't even think about."

"That had everything. It had shit, it had danger, it had puke. That's what this show's all about...and sex appeal."

"See, Dave doesn't understand: the more you freak out, the more you get stung. Idiot."

"[About to get hit between the legs, in a strained voice] I'm Steve-O, and [freezes up] Oh, fuck! Why do I have to be Steve-O?!"

"Hi, I'm Preston Lacy. And this is the Apple of my Ass."

"Johnny Knoxville as self"

"Bam Margera as self"

"Steve-O as self"

"Ryan Dunn as self"

"Chris Pontius as self"

"Ehren McGhehey as self"

"Preston Lacy as self"

"Dave England as self"

"Jason "Wee Man" Acuña as self"

"Brandon Novak as self"

"The Dudesons as self"

"Manny Puig as self"

"Loomis Fall as self"

"April Margera as self"

"Phil Margera as self"

"Jared Allen as self"

"Josh Brown as self"

"Mat Hoffman as self"

"Tony Hawk as self"

"Eric Koston as self"

"Sean William Scott as self"

"Rake Yohn as self"

"Mike Judge (as Beavis and Butt-head)"

"Will Oldham as self"

"Rip Taylor as self"

"Jeff Tremaine as self"

"Spike Jonze as self"

"Rick Kosick as self"

"Lance Bangs as self"

"Dimitry Elyashkevich as self"