I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Tony Hawks: "Remember, no going to the toilet halfway through.""

"Miles Jupp: "I like to dribble a little oil on mine.""

"Rachel Parris: "Is this bread sauce?""

"Pippa Evans: "If you're feeling nervous, just remember that many, many people have gone before you.""

"Miles Jupp: "I think we should still play the National Anthem before the start.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "We did it, Sam; we destroyed the Ring!""

"Rachel Parris: "Ohh, I cannot fit in another thing.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Is this goose fat?""

"Miles Jupp: "Why don't we have a jug for the gravy at each end?""

"Rory Bremner: "Can I put my hand up?""

"Miles Jupp: "It was only when the lights came on I realised that there was anyone else here.""

"Harry Enfield: "Here's Johnny!""

"Harry Enfield: "Prepare for ramming speed!""

"Miles Jupp: "D'you, erm, d'you think your parents would enjoy this?""

"Lee Mack: "Do we need to get a man to finish this off?""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Have another look, there should be a little toy inside... and a hat!""

"Henning Wehn: "Shall we have people round or just keep it cosy?""

"Henning Wehn: "That's a big old bird!""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "HE'S BEEN!""

"Rachel Parris: "You put it in hours ago. Why is it taking so long?""

"Tony Hawks: "Is this the common entrance?""

"Tony Hawks: "No-one told me this would be in there...""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Last time I saw this, it had Charlton Heston in it.""

"Harry Enfield: "Scared, Potter?""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Oh, look at that - a cupholder.""

"Lucy Porter: "Show me the money!""

"Harry Enfield: "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "This is Gold Leader, I'm going in.""

"Miles Jupp: "Just nipping out for a wee, d'you need anything?""

"Lucy Porter: "When I came with my last boyfriend, he always used to splash out on the pick & mix.""

"Miles Jupp: "I always find it a bit strange eating here.""

"Caroline Quentin: "Well this is a complete waste of a Saturday.""

"Tony Hawks: "Coming in a flatpack wasn't quite what I had in mind.""

"Henning Wehn: "I think you've given me something you shouldn't have.""

"Miles Jupp: "You don't want one of those dangling too low or the cat will have them off with their claws.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Someone's in luck, I've hidden a sixpence inside.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "I am so sorry, I should've put it in much earlier!""

"Miles Jupp: "I can't wait for the binmen to come...""

"Miles Jupp: "Well, I thought the vicar put on a very good show.""

"Henning Wehn: "Well I suppose it's the thought that counts.""

"Miles Jupp: "Oh, I see, it's a sort of miniature tool.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Stick a bit of tinsel on the top, that usually perks it up.""

"Henning Wehn: "Well, that's it for another year...""

"Gary Delaney: "Turn over now, please!""

"Rory Bremner: "Miss Wilson showed us this last term.""

"Pippa Evans: "Excuse me, when I'm finished, I'm allowed 15 minutes on my own.""

"Gary Delaney: "There was a lot to take in, but somehow I managed it!""

"Rory Bremner: "I'll need another sheet.""

"Lucy Porter: "I'll need you to shine a torch so I can see where I'll be sitting.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Well, that's the last time we have your parents round.""