I Heart Huckabees

"Shania Twain — Herself"

"Jude Law — Brad Stand"

"Naomi Watts — Dawn Campbell"

"Dustin Hoffman — Bernard Jaffe"

"Lily Tomlin — Vivian Jaffe"

"Isabelle Huppert — Caterine Vauban"

"If this world is temporary, identity is an illusion, then everything is meaningless and it doesn't matter if you use petroleum, and that's got me very confused."

"'Betrayed' by Albert Markovski. Is it possible for anybody in this world to work together to make it better? I don't think so."

"Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need."

"[about the body bag exercise] I can't go back in there. It's all hating faces that I have to chop up with a machete!"

"We're not in Infinity, we're in the suburbs"

"Everything is the same, even if it's different."

"Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shoot Mother what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can. I know that's all I can ask of myself. Is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy is a sign, right? Because if he isn't, than nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I'm trapped! Maybe I should quit. Don't quit! Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit! I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do anymore! Mother! Fuck shoot!"

"[to Vivian Jaffe] I can't believe you guys actually exist."

"What?! Is it a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange?!"

"Huckabees cornucopia of stuff we all want. But what happened to the gazelles? Were they squashed under the CD department?"

"How am I not myself? [repeated]"

"Do I benefit from getting some great P.R. For Huckabees when we need it? Absolutely. But do I care about saving the open spaces? Yes, I do!"

"Shania hates mayo, alright, and she can't eat chicken salad, that's no joke. We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo - the lady hates chicken salad. So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches - she still doesn't believe me - I say, Shania, I'm allergic to mayo - which, by the way, is a lie. Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it. So she eats one and a half sandwiches, one and a half sandwiches... before she realizes, its chicken salad. And she liked them!"

"Shania cares!"

"Why is marriage and kids so important? I mean, there's an overpopulation problem!"

"[after Caterine snaps a photo of his sobbing] NOBODY SEES THAT PICTURE!!!"

"Did you see that? Shania knew who I was."

"When you get the blanket thing you can relax because everything you could ever want or be you already have and are."

"There is no such thing as you or me,"

"There's no such thing as nothing. nnn"

"There is no remainder in the mathematics of Infinity."

"Say this blanket represents all the matter and energy in the universe, okay? This is me, this is you, And over here, this is the Eiffel Tower, right, it's Paris!"

"No time for infinity? Gotta piece together a theory?"

"Your mind is always occupied on something...so it may as well be something helpful, like Mrs. Shermer, or the blanket."

"The universe is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere."

"I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better."

"Wake up, pretty girl, the joke is on you!"

"Fuckabees!"

"[emotionless] These are the best tops around. Last time, last year - not so good. [suddenly fervent] But now, this is the truth!"

"You can't deal with my infinite nature, can you?"

"There's glass between us"

"Do you love me? Even in my bonnet?"

"Caterine Vauban: It's painful enough to feel sad, but on top of it... to feel embarrassed for feeling, that's the killer!"

"Caterine Vauban: It is inevitable to be drawn back into human drama."

"Shania Twain: I eat Tofu Tuna, Brad!"

"Vivian Jaffe: Come, join us for mancala hour. Arriba!"

"Mrs. Silver: God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch! How many kids do you have, bitch?"

"Jason Schwartzman — Albert Markovski"

"Mark Wahlberg — Tommy Corn"

"How come we only ask ourselves the really big questions when something bad happens?"

"[after being hit in the face with a rubber ball] Awesome! Can we do the ball thing everyday?"

"Aaah, here he comes! The man poet who banged France's Dark Lady of Philosophy! The parking lot crusader of truth who turned his back on his Other like a cold-blooded gangsta."

"Why are you guys wasting all of your time fighting each other? I mean, come on, seriously. Put the egos aside for a second, guys, please. Deal with the issues, okay. We have a deadly petroleum situation, not to mention cystic f-- SHUT UP! SHUT! -- Cystic Fibrosis, civil war in Africa, toxic fish. You have children in your own community who are going to prison. Father Flavin doesn't have the money to help them! Ma'am, listen to me!"

"Honestly, I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I thought we were talking about petroleum."