Erma Bombeck

"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."

"If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?"

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."

"I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive."

"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else*"