David Mitchell (comedian)

"I doubt religion is responsible for as much death as is claimed. Some people love to fight and steal and dominate – that's the key. There are arseholes among us and, given half a chance, they're going to start some sort of trouble out of ruthless self-interest or bloodlust or both. The prevailing ethos of any surrounding society is almost always that you're not supposed to kill people without a good reason, or at least some sort of reason. But the arseholes are clever, so they come up with reasons. To deeply religious societies, religious differences sound like a very convincing reason to kill people. But that doesn't mean the killing wouldn't have been happening anyway."

"The world has never been fair, and cannot be made fair, and claims that it can are foolish or dishonest. It can be made fairer and attempts to make it less fair can be resisted. Optimistic realists seek improvement, not perfection."

"Dying was by far the most astute and successful thing King John did in his entire reign."

"Their certainty that they were right is worth remembering because it means there's probably stuff we're certain is right that future ages will correctly judge to be monstrous. The fact that everybody is convinced of something is no guarantee that it isn't evil horseshit."

"Trusting the state doesn't make it more trustworthy."

"Once a line of succession becomes open to different interpretations, it has ceased to function."

"The fine constitutional principles we have inherited from Magna Carta and parliament started off as the mere rhetorical perfume the barons doused themselves in to cover the stench of their own treachery. ... Fondness may be a more appropriate thing to feel about them than pride."