Darby Conley

"There are two kinds of cartoonists in the world today—those who started out by ripping off The Far Side, and those who won't admit that they've ever ripped off The Far Side, probably because they're still doing it (some people rip off Calvin and Hobbes or Bloom County, of course, but they all started by ripping off The Far Side)."

"Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle."

"Ahhhh... Satchel, my boy, there's nothin' like a tuna smoothie on a hot summer day..."

"A bad writer is just a good writer with writer's block."

"Robert, you are so wrong, philosophers weep at the sound of your voice."

"Thank you, o can opener, for this can which you are about to open. You are truly a beautiful can opener, and though I am not worthy of you, I love you."

"Is that drooling problem you have due to genetic inbreeding, or are you just really attracted to me? (Example 1 of why Bucky isn't allowed out in public)"

"You may think you're not pretty enough for me, but I bet I'm pretty enough for the both of us. (Example 4 of why Bucky isn't allowed out in public)"

"It is true that you may fool all the people some of the time, you can fool some of the people all the time, but you can not fool all of the people all the time... Dogs, on the other hand, with them all you need to do is flick your wrist and they run off looking for some stupid tennis ball. (Famous cat quotes)"

"Friends... Romans... Countrymen... leave me alone. (Famous cat quotes)"

"Two slugs slithered on a yellow wood, And sorry that I could not trample both, Being one trampler, long I stood And looked them down as fierce as I could To where they sat in the undergrowth... I will be telling this with a sigh Somewhere sitting upon a fence: Two slugs slithered on a yellow wood And I-- I ate the slug less trampled by, And that has made all the difference. (Famous cat quotes)"

"I regret that you have but one pie to give for my tummy. (Famous cat quotes)"

"Do not go gentle into that cold bath! (Famous cat quotes)"

"Robert, after spending 48 hours with this fish, we have transcended the conventional "food-to-consumer" relationship. This fish is now my friend."

"Ohhh, get 'im off me, Satchel!"

"You can wordify anything if you just verb it."

"OK, monkey, it's just you and me... I'll give you time to pray to your big, filthy monkey god before I food you."

"I call this "Ode to a Pigeon": Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, You lookin' at me? You lookin' at me?!"

"I think... therefore I am annoyed."

"This is the line for the hydrant, right?"

"Holy cow! You were totally right-- whipped cream rocks!"

"Oh-ho-ho-man! I could sit here and smell this pole all day, I kid you not! (Example 1 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)"

"Ohhh, your real name is "Brad"?! I only knew you by what Rob calls you around the house: "big dumb *#%$". (Example 2 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)"

"Do I live here? ...if not, would you still feed me? (Example 3 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)"

"Is that food? ...that looks like food... I think I'll taste it. (Example 5 of why Satchel isn't allowed outside)"

"He's an FBI Bomb Dog!!! Do you know how cool that is?! That's the people equivalent of like if Paul Newman was a fire-fighting, baby-kissing rock square!"

"Now you listen to me, you little party favor, I'm sick of your rotten attitude! I let you call me names and push me around because I consider you my friend, but I'm sure that if I wanted to, I could throw you around like a chew toy!!!"

"Oh, Bucky... You're so tiny, yet you're such a massive nutjob..."

"I tell ya, man, your cat is officially out of control. He really gives new meaning to the term tempest in a teapot."