Crash Tag Team Racing

"Crash, where's the fusion unit?! If this is a joke, I don't get it..."

"Okay, Crash, what's the story? I need that fusion unit so I can show that stupid-faced Nina who's the best girl on the track, so GET MOVING!!!"

"Big brother, if you really wanna annoy me, can't you do normal big brother stuff, like noogies and headlocks or something like that?"

"Thank you Mister... chicken man! This is really cool n' stuff but we'd like to return the park ownership to where it belongs: to Ebenezer Von Clutch."

"[after the racers crash into each other] Nice drivin', fool"

"Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right?! You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, NOW!"

"Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?! [Crash gives an unintelligible response] SHUT UP! GET ME THAT GEAR! [Crash shrugs]"

"Crash, you blithering imbecilic BOOB! How am I supposed to destro-- err, help you bandicoots without enough Power Crystals?! Get moving, hairball!"

"Oh yes, that's right - stand there and hit the "Talk" button to annoy the mad scientist! Next you'll spin attack, I suppose?! Just get me those Crystals, you idiot!"

"Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churos. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't because... my head's too big! I mean, look at me - I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I need you to get me something black and slimming to wear! I don't want my butt to look too big!"

"So, why am I talking to you again? You're here without what I asked for, sniffing around for Power Crystals, right? Grow a brain and GET ME WHAT I WANT!!!"

"Again, you come back to bother me. What is it with you bandicoots, are you all this dumb? Or is this just because you spin so much?"

"Look, are you gonna do what I asked, or do I have to start shaving you? Cause I will. Right down to the brain."

"Oooh, now that is more like it. Doesn't take much to get you to do what I want, now does it? Here's your Crystal, and I'll see you on the racetrack!"

"Oh. It's you, Crash. Well look, as much as it pains me to say this, I need your help. There's this sweet car I wanna get, but I need a little more money. You... ugh, this is so lame... you have to get me a job. Snuffle around and find me a job. P... Pl... Please?"

"You did it? You got me the job? Oh Crash, you are so gullible. I'm going to use this job to get the car of my dreams - a vehicle of such power that I will be the scourge on the racetracks and vision of evil power like no Cortex before or after me! [Crash shrugs and goes "Eh, whatever."] Oh, get outta here!"

"Why are you still here?! Go get me the coins I need before I have you FIXED! [Crash cowers in terror]"

"Do what I ask or I'm putting you in the kennel!"

"All right! The rodent comes through with the cheese. Okay, hairball, here's your Power Crystal. But with me at the wheel of this baby, you better be watching your six!"

"Crash? Aren't you supposed to be defeating my uncle somewhere?"

"[when running over a park drone] Immoral? Possibly. Satisfying? Absolutely!"

"[after losing a race] What will I tell my non-existent friends?!"

"Crash! What's wrong with you, man?! I need plutonium to succeed! Beautiful, shiny plutonium! It will be mine, I swear, or I'll fill your head with doom!"

"[gasps] Oh! So beautiful! It is the stuff dreams are made of, if you dream about plutonium all the time! I certainly do! Oh, thank you, Mr. Crash, thank you! Here are your glorious coins!"

"What's wrong with you, man?! I'm dying inside! Must... be cute! Bring me the pretty, bring me the pretty! Or I stick doom in you!"

"You're just trying to make me angry, aren't you? WELL, YOU'VE SUCCEEDED! Get me that costume! I know your weakness, Crash: bullets!"

"Are you feelin' okay there, fuzzy-pants? I need a Power Crystal to get this steer jumpin'. You don't got nothin' but good looks right now..."

"You gettin' heatstroke, Crash? You need mouth-to-mouth or somethin'? [Crash cowers in fear]"

"Crash, you've been nippin' at the hooch again or somethin'? What are you doin' back here without that starter?"

"Howdy there, Crash! Gimme a kiss, I want me some bandi-cooties! [Crash looks nauseous] Oh, calm down! Hey, maybe you can help me out here. I got this here new machine that I'd like to use to whoop these Cortex fellers, but I plumb ran outta money. Von Clutch ain't paid us since his chest-thingy got stolen. Bring me a heap of coins so I can buy the parts I need, and we'll put some boot to some butt!"