Captain N: The Game Master

""'Trust me', he says. Ha! I'd sooner trust a vampire to give me a shave". ~Simon"

""Looks like the Ultimate Warp brought us the ultimate wimp!" ~Simon"

"Kevin: Your powers don't scare us! Dracula: I'm so happy to hear that. You know, fear makes de blood taste terrible."

"Kevin: Stay close. I think the bridge goes this way. Lana: What if you're wrong? Kevin: Then we'll be getting some free skydiving lessons - parachutes not included."

"Simon: (under the effects of a love arrow) How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One is for your little button-nose. Two is for your cute little twinkle-toes. Three is... Mother Brain: Enough! I want the truth this time! What is your real plan? Simon: All right, I'll tell you. My plan is to hug and kiss those cute little wrinkles on your brain!"

""It's a good thing for you I'm an animal lover. Now scoot, before I change my mind and make fur underwear out of you". ~Simon, to a lion"

"Lana: Some guide you are. Simon: An honest mistake. Mountain lions are related to dogs, you know. Lana: They're related to cats. Simon: Ah-ha! I always suspected Duke was part cat."

""I didn't save you. I saved him. He gets awful indigestion from eatin' strangers. Keeps me up all night". ~Bayou Billy"

""Oh, he's probably just feeding the alligators...with himself". ~Simon"

""I'm gonna scramble your eggplant when I get my gloves on you!" ~King Hippo"

""If you promise not to eat me, I'll take you to Captain N!" ~Simon"

""Let 'em go, or there's gonna be french-fried eggplant and hippo burgers for everyone". ~Kevin"

""Toro! Toro! No, I mean Hippo! Hippo! Olé!" ~Simon"

""Hey, it's either that or go back home and clean up my room". ~Kevin"

"Lana: That's not fair! Donkey Kong weighs more than you!"

"Mother Brain: Quick, get me the second Sacred Treasure! Eggplant Wizard: Yes, your wrinkledness. Mother Brain: Never say the word "wrinkles" to me! These are beauty lines."

""Hmph! I could have done better, and I don't even have a body!" ~Mother Brain, after Lana wins the diving competition"

"Simon: But Medusa's even uglier than Mother Brain! One look at her face turns a man to stone! Kevin: Look on the bright side, Simon. You'd make a very handsome statue. Simon: Oh, yes! I would, wouldn't I?"

""Uh, on the other hand, why worry about a neck when you've got an entire body to think of?!" ~Simon"

""Well... this doesn't look so bad. But that does!" ~Simon"

"King Hippo: Ooh! That's hot enough. Simon: What's that? Still too cold?"

""Don't worry, Princess. I got to be Game Master by learning from my mistakes". ~Kevin"

"Mega Man: There's no time to waste! We've got to mega move it! Kevin: Well, I wouldn't call hugging a princess a waste of time."

""What perfectly dreadful statues. Medusa has lousy taste in art". ~Simon"

"Mother Brain: Metroid mirror on the wall, am I the cutest of them all? Mirror: Princess Lana is the cutest chick. You're so ugly, you make me sick! Mother Brain: What do you know, twerp?! I will be the most beautiful woman in VideoLand! And you, Eggplant Wizard, are going to help me do it. Eggplant Wizard: M-m-m-me? Mother Brain: Yes, you! You can start by making me an apple! Eggplant Wizard: Uh, ah, whatever you say, Mother Brain. Magic words with which I grovel, make this brain a big juicy apple! (He turns Mother Brain into an apple.) Mother Brain: You idiot! I don't want to be an apple! I want to have an apple! Eggplant Wizard: Cool off, Mother Brain, or you'll became a baked apple! I can turn a princess to a pumpkin, a prince to a ham on rye; turning you back to normal is as easy as apple pie! (He turns Mother Brain into an apple pie. She grabs Eggplant Wizard and shakes him.) King Hippo: Hey! You look pretty tasty, Mother Brain! Can I have a slice? Mother Brain: Shut up and change me back!"

"Kevin: What have you done to the princess?! Mother Brain: What's the matter? Don't you like fairy tales? You remember this one. The beautiful princess eats the poisoned apple and falls into a deep sleep. And the handsome prince - ha! I suppose that's you - has to wake her out of the spell. Kevin: It's also the one where the prince destroys the ugly witch, isn't it? Eggplant Wizard: That's the one! Mother Brain: Shut up, you mental midget!"

""You couldn't even wake up a frog with a kiss like that!" ~Simon"

""I'm doing this for your own good, Captain N! Rescuing princesses is a man's job! (Duke growls at him) Shut up". ~Simon, after trapping Kevin"

"Kevin: Simon! Don't just sit there like a Thanksgiving turkey! Gimme a hand! Simon: Yes, well, I'd love to, but I'm tied up at the moment."

"Guard: Halt! No one enters Castle Ironspire and lives! Kevin: But we're prepared to pay. Guard: I don't accept credit cards! Kevin: How about gold and jewels? Guard: Well... why didn't ya say so? Go right in and make yourselves at home."

"Kevin: I don't get it! It's not working! Simon: Maybe it's my breath."

"King Hippo: Hey, egg-breath! You're paddling the wrong way! Eggplant Wizard: Uh-uh, you are! The island's behind you! King Hippo: Then let me sit over there! I get seasick ridin' backwards! (stands up) Eggplant Wizard: Wait! You're rockin' the raft! (They fall off the raft.) YAAHHH!!! See what you did? King Hippo: Aw, shut up and swim!"

""If you're trying to scare me, you're doing a good job!" ~Simon"

""If we get out of this, remind me to have my Zapper waterproofed!" ~Kevin"

""All right, you deadbeat! You can squeeze me! You can choke me! You can shake me! But mess my hair? No way!" ~Simon"

"Mega Man: Dr. Right, are you sure you can trust that mega rat? Dr. Light: There's good in everybody, Mega Man. You just have to look for it. Kevin: Yeah? Well, Wily does wear a clean lab coat!"

"Kevin: You'll pay for this, Dr. Wily! Dr. Wily: Sorry, Captain Numbskull. I left my wallet in my other lab coat."

""Let's make a run for it! Uh, on second thought, let's run away from it!" ~Simon"

"Kevin: Sorry if I upset your cat. Lana: But I don't have a cat."

"Lana: What do you see in the mirror? Simon: You mean I'm a Prince Charming? Lana: No, Simon! I mean you're an arrogant, self-centered egomaniac! Simon: I'm that good, am I?"

""Abandon ship! Women and Simons first!" ~Simon"

"Kevin: Hey, are you guys all right? Simon: Yeah. We're in hamburger heaven."

"Mother Brain: That's it! I've found Captain N's weak spot. King Hippo: Uh, you mean he's afraid of rats?"

"Kevin: I learned this recipe from my uncle Lenny back in New York. Trust me princess, this is gonna be the coolest thing you ever tasted. Lana: What exactly is a pizza? Kevin: Oh, this is no ordinary pizza, it's a Captain N Special. N for nuts, N for nectarines, N for nachos... (Duke grabs the pizza) And N for "No"! Lana: I think you better rename it the Duke Special."

""What a shrimp! And every shrimp needs a shrimp salad!" ~Eggplant Wizard"

""Yes. Well, it was very nice of you to drop by. Do come back and visit us soon, say, twenty years?" ~Simon"

"Simon: Stand back. Simon Belmont will take care of this deadly beast! (pulls out a golf club and gets ready to hit the lizard) Kevin: Don't you think that's the wrong weapon for the job? Simon: You're absolutely right. (throws the golf club aside, pulls out a rocket launcher, and points it at the lizard)"

"Simon: (as the baby dragon licks him) Knock it off! I'm not your mother! Kevin: No, but you probably smell like her."

"Kevin: I'll see what the lightning bolt can do. Simon, you try on the armor. Simon: But I look awful in gold!"

"Eggplant Wizard: Forget the food! This is the chance of a lifetime! King Hippo: FORGET THE FOOD?! Eggplant Wizard: Don't you get it? If Link and Zelda are coming here, there won't be anyone left on Hyrule but their flunkies! King Hippo: They'll give us food? Eggplant Wizard: No, banana brains! The alarm's been turned off! We can steal the Triforce for ourselves! King Hippo: Then we can make Ganon's servants give us food!"