"(Disguised as a witch) Fellow babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!"

"(After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAH!"

"I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!"

"It's Good Neighbor Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!"

"Don't ya hate it when that happens?"

"The last laugh, you know I love it!"

"Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!"

"Moral dilemmas, you know I hate 'em!"

"If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!"

"(asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!"

"Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!"

"Now here's something you don't see everyday."

"So long, suckers!"

"Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs."

"Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I got to go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later."

"So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball."

"Responsibility, you know I hate it!"

"Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I got to be there in person…"

"NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HELP!"

"Check this out... a mid-summer night scream."

"Oh, that Claire, she really gets my dandruf up."

"She's got to be outta my mind by now."

"Hey, they can't keep us apart."

"Got you, babes!"

"Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me."

"Rule number one for pulling pranks without getting caught is... be invisible!"

"What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?"

"Oh, the magic B-word! Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!"

"Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!"

"When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!"

"NO! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)"

"HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)"

"We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgusting! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!"

"Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)"

"I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!"

"(to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite."

"Not only will I be revered, I'LL BE FILTHY, STINKIN' RICH! As opposed to just being filthy and stinkin. Heh heh heh.."

"Deadly Vu!"

"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!"

"Alright, Beetlejuice, what' s the scam?"

"(referring to Delia) Dad and I are the only ones who like her art-and I'm not too sure about Dad!"

"Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?"

"I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it."

"Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ."

"They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!"

"They say 'practice makes pukey'!"

"Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!"

"It's showtime!"